the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize