You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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