I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
