I will die if light touches me.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
