I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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