apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
