You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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