Screwed.edu
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
