Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
