And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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