Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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