You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
