You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
