You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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