We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
