anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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