sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
