mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just found a bag of teeth...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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