Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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