is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
