i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
