You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
