Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
