It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
