i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
