I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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