Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
