So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
