I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
