Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
