I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
