its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
