oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dick very happy bro
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
