Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
