i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
