If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
