Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
