Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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