Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
