i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
