I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
