sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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