i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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