Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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