the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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