I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
