yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
