the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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