you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
