If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
