Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
